her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
