At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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