Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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