so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
