Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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