the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Randomize
