I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
