She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
