He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Randomize
