We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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