Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
