he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
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