Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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