Do you still have your period?
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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