we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
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