it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
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While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
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I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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