States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
