Will you blow on my dice?
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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