I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
you guys were way drunker than both of me
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
