our cab driver is having phone sex.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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