If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
