Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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