I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
