im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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