That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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