So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
