He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize