His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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