My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
