toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
