You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Randomize