can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
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he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
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