I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
