I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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