i barfeds in our rink
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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