..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
