i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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