it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
