I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Buhtt sex?
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
