I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
