bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
