I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
