We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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