sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
