I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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