Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Randomize
