will power is for people who don't want to get laid
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
