I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Randomize
