her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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