non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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