whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
