Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
