when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
