marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
