You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
