She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Randomize
