The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I didn't notice because vodka
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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