i permit you to call me
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
