Someone shit on the floor
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
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you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
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If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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