Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
