so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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