Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Found your dick twin last night
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
